Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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