My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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