It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
smell my finger.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
