did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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