oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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