I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We're too hungover to prance.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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