i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
