Small penises have feelings too.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
