I smell stomach acid.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
