I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
