YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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