My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
North Korea, Best Korea!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
