Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
