i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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