Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
