Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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