butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
