I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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