well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
