My pussy is not your playground.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize