i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
