Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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