She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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