my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
