God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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