i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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