I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
