I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
