Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
