What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
