We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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