Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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