Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
