he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize