She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
