Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
