Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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