i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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