A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
