I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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