Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
