Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
