i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
