i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
