How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
