He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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