Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
