....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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