sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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