By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize