if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my liver is dry heaving
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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