sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
