My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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