I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
