I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
