I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
