Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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