Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
