That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
