i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
