ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
