just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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