i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
where am i from again
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they're like a gay fantastic four
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
