if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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