just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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