11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize