I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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