Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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