Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
