he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
