There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
