she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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