The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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