You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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