I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
