hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
