I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
