can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
