YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
