The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
