I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
