i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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