I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
