Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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